Redemptive Threads
AN OLD, OLD DRAFT OF A BLOG POST FROM WAY BACK WHEN :
It's been so long since I last posted. Like, REALLY REALLY long. And even before that, I only posted a few times before I (gave up) got too busy. It's hard to know where to start to be completely honest. I want to get back into updating this space with what has been going on in our lives. Not for others. For me. For our family. Let's be honest, my memory stinks and it's such a blessing to look back and have my memory jogged with beautiful moments. It might have the added benefit from keeping far away family and friends abreast on what's been going on with us. As a warning, this post will be dreadfully long.
Olivia Joy
After almost two years of loss and heartache our little rainbow baby was conceived. Each day in the first trimester was met with both sickness and fatigue yet the worst aspect was the fear and anxiety Tommy and I felt not knowing if Olivia would be taken from us as well. Initially, we were seeing a specialist since I had already had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy (which is a whole different blog post) and two consecutive missed miscarriages. The Dr. wanted us to come in right away for an ultrasound and to be watched closely during those first few weeks. Well, our first ultrasound placed great discouragement in us because we were told that there were "low fetal heart tones" and an "irregular gestational sac" which were both signs of impending miscarriage. The nurses told us to "hang in there", while indirectly preparing us for yet another unbearable loss. I told Tommy through tears that I truly couldn't handle another loss- both emotionally or physically. I was wrecked. We emailed family and friends telling them the news and asked for prayer. My pastor's wife, Beth, and good friend Erin asked me to come over for prayer. I was hesitant, because I felt incredibly fragile in an emotional sense, but decided I needed to go. While receiving prayer, Erin felt that the Lord really wanted to tell me "don't bury this baby". She went on to encourage me with this in more detail and both of my dear friends grieved with me over the news yet prayed with such faith and hope for things to turn around. That VERY next morning, Robin emailed me this (October 25, 2012):
"Just literally got woken up from a huge lightning bolt (big storm here)...had a dream and remembered it - which for me doesn't happen, so I wanted to share. I was at our parents office waiting, there was a huge storm and I looked out the window to see it raging. I was scared. Cut back to the office where we were waiting for your and Tommy's call. You called and Nancy Cook answered....so I didn't hear what you told her but it was good news and she was excited and said, "There's life!!!!" So I threw my head down and said, "Yes!!! Don't bury this baby, Carrie & Tommy" is what I mumbled under my breath. "There's life", I said. Dream ends.
I still get emotional reading this email. It was such a painful and scary time. There is so much to the rest of this story but I'll try to condense. The following week we saw that the "irregular gestational sac" was actually a "mass of unknown etiology". This was super confusing at the time, and our specialist gave us little comfort about the outlook of this pregnancy and sent us to a high risk fetal and maternal medicine doctor out of the University of Chicago. At 14 weeks we had our appointment with Dr. Ismail and he diagnosed the mass as a "venus lake". We were glad to finally know what it was and he reassured us that it was not in a dangerous location and that things should be ok. We continued to be followed closely and by 30 weeks the venus lake had completely resolved. In addition, when I was discharged from the high risk OB, I ended up changing gears dramatically - I hired a doula and switched from a regular OB to a Nurse Midwife at a different hospital. I don't want to say the rest of the pregnancy was a piece of cake. Although I felt amazing during my second trimester I became badly anemic and needed medication- who knew all that calcium in the exorbitant amount of TUMS I was consuming was actually blocking any iron from absorbing in my body! I also continued to struggle in trusting the Lord for a live, healthy baby in the end. Even with all the worry, I made sure to enjoy every single kick and movement from my sweet baby girl. Her pregnancy and birth were filled with so much redemption <3
My due date. It came. It went. And Olivia's Birth Story will be soon to follow <3
